Grief
When someone suffers a loss, it disrupts their sense of the order of things and
can sometimes lead to feelings that life is out of control and meaningless. While
in college, students may deal with the death of a parent, sibling, friend, or classmate.
These deaths may be accidental, e.g., a car accident or a drug overdose; may be
sudden, e.g., a parent having a heart attack; or may be the result of a long illness,
a grandparent dying of cancer. An entire campus or academic department may grieve
the death of a beloved professor or classmate. Feelings are often compounded by
a sense of shock and a longing for the opportunity to “say good-bye.” The loss of
meaning and control adds distress to grief. Regaining meaning and a sense of control
may help students endure the grieving process. Those experiencing grief tend to
function better within an already established support system (e.g., family and friends).
Grief is a natural process but may become complicated (e.g., the student is not
able to function and may be depressed) and therefore need some type of therapeutic
intervention.
If you are aware that a student is grieving:
DO
- Ask if the student wants to talk about the death/loss.
- Support any type of
reaction (e.g., some students may not cry, but feel guilty about this; others may
feel that constant crying is “not normal”). Grieving takes many forms and is individual
to each person.
- Listen carefully. This can help a student gain an understanding
of his/her feelings and clarify options for dealing with them.
- Encourage the
student to be with family or friends, which may mean taking time away from the university.
- Recognize that spiritual and religious doubts can be triggered and this is normal;
if it seems appropriate, suggest discussing feelings with a religious leader.
-
When/if appropriate, you may suggest ways that the student can give meaning to the
event by memorializing the person who died (e.g., planting a flower or tree; writing
a letter/poem/eulogy; creating a memory book; making a quilt; helping to plan a
memorial service).
- Be aware that family may be urging the student to stay in
school though the student longs to be at home (particularly with the death or imminent
death of a parent).
- Refer the student to Counseling Services (or call 893-4411
to consult).
- For questions about withdrawing from classes, refer the student
to the Office of Student Life (893-4569).
DON’T
- Assume you know how the student is feeling. For example, avoid saying, “I know how you feel.”
- Feel pressure to “say the right thing” or break silences. Your supportive and caring presence can be comforting.
- Force discussion about death and loss.
- Minimize the loss. For example avoid saying, “Think how much worse it could be.”
- Judge the student’s response to death. Instead, accept any reaction unless it seems extreme or frightening to you, in which case you should consider
walking the student over to Counseling Services.
|
