When an assault occurs, it is natural to wonder why. Many survivors question whether they could have caused or prevented the assault. Any person can be sexually assaulted. Nothing you did or did not do provoked the assault. The assailant is responsible for the assault. Sexual assault is an act of aggression designed to dominate and humiliate in order to gain a sense of power. No one invites or deserves an assault. Whatever you did to survive was right and it worked: you survived.

Recovery from sexual assault is not a smooth, linear process. Although recovery here is presented in "stages," a survivor does not move from stage 1 to stage 2 to stage 3 in a simple manner until she is “recovered” and then leave it all behind. The healing process may be accurately imagined as an upward spiral in which a survivor moves toward recovery, but moves back and forth through the different stages. For example, survivors may tap into denial at any time as a way of coping with other life stresses, or a survivor who has recovered greatly may suddenly be overwhelmed by an event and find the rape is consuming her once again. This is completely expected, and is not moving “backwards” in recovery; rather, it often provides a new perspective on familiar feelings, or an opportunity to work through feelings which may have been too difficult at an earlier time. It is important to keep in mind that recovering from sexual assault is an individual process. There is no prescribed time frame or manner for healing. Each survivor recovers at her own pace and in her own way.

Stages of Recovery

1. Before the assault: Life is composed of many different aspects – school, work, home, relationships, activities, dreams, family.
2. Denial: The assault has happened, but denial is in place so that "functioning as usual" can continue. Attempts, often very successful, are made to maintain other aspects of life and suppress the assault. Survivors often try to not think about it or attempt to treat it as insignificant.
3. Awareness: Often as a result of flashbacks, isolation, depression or other stress, an awareness of the assault sets in and seems to be all consuming. This is most often when help is sought, because attempts to “go it alone” are proving difficult or impossible. For awhile it seems that the assault is the only aspect of life.
4. Healing: In this stage, life begins to even out a bit, if only because the highs and lows of the roller coaster feeling balance each other out. This stage involves much “work” as a survivor struggles through the emotional turmoil she feels and learns how to reclaim her life. With time the rape begins to take its place in the overall picture of all the aspects of life. This is often accompanied by a feeling of burnout or the desire to take a break from thinking about the assault for a while.
5. Recovery: Finally the assault takes its place in the scope of the survivor’s life. It becomes a part of her, sometimes becoming aggravated and requiring more attention, but then taking its place again. The work the survivor has done to recover can become a source of insight, political action and personal growth. Ultimately she will go beyond surviving to become a stronger, more knowing, more self-trusting, and more hopeful person.