What is stalking?

Unwanted pursuit, following or harassment. Two common features: actions not wanted and they threaten or cause fear.

What are the behaviors:

• following
• obsessive behavior
• inappropriate approaches & confrontations
• unwanted telephone calls
• threats
• threats to family and friends
• unwanted letters
• unwanted or threatening gifts
• damage to property
• physical assault
• unwanted pages or e-mail
• appearing at a place of residence, school or work
• sexual assault
  (new ways of stalking emerge frequently and this does not encompass all)

Motivations

• intense affection
• extreme dislike of the person relationship
• breakup feels that their victim belongs to them
• Women are significantly more likely to be stalked by intimate partners

Law defined by California penal code:

Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or harasses another person and who makes a credible threat with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear for his or her safety, or the safety of his or her immediate family.

Warning Signs

• extreme jealousy
• following
• threats
• physical or verbal abuse
• damage or destruction to your property
• makes your friends or family feel scared or uneasy
• offers of unsolicited help
• refuses to accept no for an answer
• switches between rage and "love"
• unable to cope with rejection
• falls instantly in love

What you can do?

Write down everything that happens. Include dates, locations, times and any exact words that you can remember. Keep answering machine tapes that might include threatening or inappropriate messages. Keep any letters, notes, other writings and any objects or gifts sent to you. Tell friends and family the importance of keeping your personal information private. Tell someone.

Sample of NO! -Contact statements:

• "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you. Do not continue to call, stop by, or have any contact with me whatsoever".


• "I am ending our relationship. Do not make any attempt to try and renew it. I will not change my mind. I do not wish to have any contact with you now or in the future. If you try to contact me, I will take legal action."

Survivors share:

"Sometimes I would unlock my car and find a rose on the seat - no note, just the flower. I knew he somehow got into my car and left it there; it was what he needed to do to terrorize me." "The more I gave in to his pleas to meet or talk with him, the more power he had over me, even though he made me believe I was the one in control." "The first thing I had to do was acknowledge that it wasn't my fault." "You have to decide that you don't want to see this person anymore. You have to decide that you've had enough, that it's over… Whatever you do, don't let him [or her] decide for you." "I was afraid to tell anyone. I thought, Who would believe me?"

Historically,

social norms have permitted such behavior to flourish by supporting and reinforcing stereotypes of male entitlement and dominance. Question and challenge beliefs and attitudes about gender roles that result in the physical and sexual abuse of women. Persistence only proves persistence - it does not prove love. The fact that a romantic pursuer is relentless doesn't mean you are special - it means he is troubled. Stalking is a crime and a frequent precursor to violence against women. Take stalking seriously. We do!

For more information, please phone Rape Prevention Education Program 893-3778 or email: carol.mosely@sa.ucsb.edu

A service of the Women's Center and Police Department University of California at Santa Barbara.